Favourite Quotes From Samy Velu

1) Samy Velu on pos laju

“BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI”

2) Samy said in a ceramah

“Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orong-orong kampong disini” ,
one pakcik asked, “Datuk, sini takde sungai,buat apa bina jambatan?” and Samy glorious replied ,”Kalau takde sungai, kita bina sungai!”

3) Samy’s favorite quote on national television
“Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah!”

4) During the water shortage crisis
: “semua orang diminta jgn membuang aiyerr..!”

5) During blood donation campaign in Sg Siput

: “..marilah kita semua menderma dara..”

6) During the opening speech of various function:

“…selamat datang saudara-mara semua..” (actually is “saudara-saudari”)

7) At an opening ceremony:
“mempersilakan datin paduka rafidah aziz naik ke pentas utk membuka kain”

8)Commenting about his modesty:
“sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar

9) The one on TV when in trying to say he was ashamed, he said ” Kemaluan saya besar “

10) On drugs,” Jangan hisap dada “

“And lastly u know why our
N-S Highway concessionaire is named PLUS.
PLUS = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy

Marriage Life Before & After

Before marriage.
Darling here.. Darling there…
After marriage.
Baling here… Baling there..

Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
“You die, up to you. “
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!

Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . Up to you ..
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!

Before wedding
You are my heart, you are my love”
After wedding
“you get on my nerves. “

Before wedding
“you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella”
After wedding
“you are worse than godzila”

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I’m stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you

Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la

Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don’t know whether katak or biawak

5 Toughest Question That Women Ask Men

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

QUESTION #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.” This response obviously bears no remblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Squash.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

QUESTION #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include:

1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

QUESTION #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I’ve seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

1. Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:
2. Yes, but you have a better personality
3. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
4. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
5. Define pretty
6. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #5: What would you do if I died?

Unless you smile, say “Nice weather we are having, huh?” then leave the room, expect a definite no-win situation. No matter how you answer this (the real answer, or course, is “Buy a Corvette.”), be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I’d get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed…

Why The Students Fail?

Why the students fail???

It’s not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY

Has 365′ days.

Typical academic year for a student:

1.Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2.Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3.8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.

4.1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.

5.2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
Properly & swallowing)- means 30days.
Days left 96.

6.1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days.
Days left 81.

7.Exam days- per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.

8.Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.
Balance 6 days.

9.For sickness- at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.

10.Movies and functions – at least 2 days.
1 day left.

11.That 1 day is your birthday .

How can you study on that day??????!!! !!!!!!!
Balance = 0

“How can a student pass ??”

Teka-Teki..

Waktu aku baca teka teki nih.. terbahak-bahak aku ketawa.. kelakor giler.. hahahahahaha.!!!!
aku dapat teka teki ni dari inbox aku, member forward..
TEKA-TEKI YANG PERLU DIBERI PENAMPAR !!!…
>
> 1) Lubang ape yang rasanye hangat,nikmat dan nyaman?
> Answer: LUBANGun pagi2, tarik selimut pas tu tido balik.
>
> 2) Minyak ape yang disukai oleh lelaki?
> Answer: MINYAKsikan pertandingan bolasepak Liga-M
>
> 3) Kuih ape yang bungkusnya di dalam, isinya di luar?
> Answer: Kuih salah bikin.
>
> 4) Binatang ape yang power dlm bab berKarate?
> Answer: Kuda belang.cube kira brape black belt dia ade.
>
> 5) Siape yang menemukan dompet kulit?
> Answer: Yang menemukan dompet kulit tersebut tolong pulangkan
> kepada saye.
>
> 7) Pintu ape yang walaupun dengan 10 org pun tak leh nak tolak?
> Answer: Pintu yang ade tulis ‘TARIK’
>
> 8 ) Saya ade 3 kepala,4 tangan dan 5 kaki…siapakah saya?
> Answer: Pembohong…
>
> 9) Apa dia ‘Jauh di mata, dekat di hati’?
> Answer: Usus
>
> 10) Binatang ape yang seluruh anggota tubuhnya kat kepala?
> Answer: Kutu rambut
>
> 11) Nenek sape jalannya meloncat-loncat?
> Answer: Neneknye si katak
>
> 12) Kenape lelaki jarang kene penyakit anjing gila?
> Answer: Sbb lelaki ni kan ‘buaya’
>
> 13) Ape beza sekretari baik ngan sekretari kurang baik?
> Answer: – Sekretari baik………………’Selamat pagi tuan’
> – Sekretari kurang baik………..’Dah pagi ni tuan’
>
> 14) Ape persamaan Michael Jordan ngan Michael Jackson?
> Answer: Dua-dua tak kenal korang…hehe
>
> 15) Tukang ape yang kalau dipanggil, die menjenguk ke atas?
> Answer: Tukang gali kubur
>
> 16) Nak mencari sikit punye susah, bile dah dapat buang, ape bendanya?
> Answer: Tahi hidung
>
> 17) Ape persamaan kain jemuran ngan telefon?
> Answer: Dua-dua kalau dah ‘kringgg’ bole diangkat…
>
> 18) Knape pokok kelapa kat depan rumah harus ditebang?
> Answer: Mestilah kene tebang, sape nak cabut pokok kelapa …gile
> ape…
>
> 19) Gajah terbang dengan ape?
> Answer: Dengan susah payah……

Teka-Teki

1) Jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk, jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk

2) Banyak-banyak bas, bas apa yang pandai

3) Banyak-banyak mi, mi apa yang boleh makan ngan ais

4) Kenapa anjing kencing angkat sebelah kaki

5) Apa perbezaan lampu stadium ngan lampu bilik

6) Apa binatang, badan kecik macam semut tapi mata besar “bulb” mentol

7) Mana lagi tua, motorsikal ke kereta?

Kangkang peluk, kangkag peluk, bila dah dekat climax pegang buah

9) Ahmad bin Abu, kambing bin apa?

10) Bagaimana nak bezakan ikan betina ngan ikan jantan?

Jangan lihat jawapan nya dulu…

ini jawapannya:-

1) Masukkan benang dalam jarum

2) Bas sekolah lah, the only bas pegi sekolah

3) MILO AIS

4) Sebab kalau dia angkat dua kaki, dia jatuh sebab tulah dia angkat sebelah aje.

5) Lampu stadium kalau ada ‘game’ dia pasang, tapi kalau lampu bilik ada ‘game’ dia padam

6) Semut yang matanya BENGKAK

7) Motorsikal.. . … sebab dia pakai tongkat

Panjat pokok kelapa

9) Kambing binATANG

10) Ikan betina – ikan duyung, ikan jantan – ikan bakar, mana ada pompuan nama BAKAR

Beautiful Love Letter

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Maria,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn’t control seeing me
(c) really … Am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I’ll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don’t know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend’s because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won’t feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don’t know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn’t get into your bus…

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn’t notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don’t delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it’s getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love , David

******************

Maria’s reply letter was also in Q/A format ……..

David ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside….. Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn’t you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend ( Mary ) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn’t I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana’s flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That’s why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered “Yes” to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered “No”, then you don’t know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you .

Words

Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!